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    What Not to Write

    April 09, 1998

    A colleague on a listserv passed along a little chuckle last week. We wrote for permission to use it, but learned that it wasn't hers.

    She got it from a friend who found it on another listserv who had received it from another friend on yet another list serve. We really did make diligent efforts to track down the original source, but it seems to be one of those Kurt Vonnegut type things. Someone somewhere wrote it, but the name's been lost. It's a bit like those handouts your teachers used to circulate amongst themselves about the horribly written "please excuse my son, Jamie" notes; everyone's seen them, but no one knows who wrote it. So here goes, with all due apologies to the original one who compiled all these.

    In any event, what follows are some examples of supposedly real statements made on resumes.

    How not to use the spell-checker:

    • "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
    • "I am a rabid typist."
    • "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
    • "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
    • "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
    • "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
    • Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

    And here are examples of why it might be a good idea to have a friend read your stuff before you send it out:

    • "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
    • "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
    • "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
    • "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
    • "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
    • "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
    • "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
    • "Qualifications: No education or experience."

    People say the darndest things. We did get a delightful chuckle out of all this.

    But wouldn't it be awful if the chuckle were at your expense?

    Learn It Now

    April 08, 1998

    Delphi Internet offers a public service. A worthwhile service to job seekers.

    No, they don't have job postings on this site. Instead, they have a glossary.

    Yup. That's right. A glossary. Kind of like a dictionary. Specifically, it's an interactive glossary of Internet and World Wide Web terminology. Even more than that, it's an internet course in itself. Terms are linked to related terms, FAQs, and tutorials.

    This is a terrific place to start your own learning -- to catch up to those high school kids turning down job offers left and right.

    Then, once you know your terms, take a look at Geocities where you can get a free homepage. Take advantage of it.

    Learn a bit of HTML (see our 11/3 column for some sources.) Add a little design know-how. In other words, show your skills in practice. Advertise yourself.

    You don't need to make this page into a resume, but you should think of it as a virtual resume-- a portfolio if you will. Something that demonstrates in actuality what you can do.

    LinkExchange Member


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